Almost clean!!!

LOL. What a crazy thought! Me, on no medication!!! Who would have ever thought...Certainly not I. I'm completely off 4 of the 5 meds. 1 more week and I'll be ALL done!!! I'm not exactly sure how I'm feeling yet. I guess only time will tell. I know that this is best for me and I'm proud of myself for finally taking this HUGE step! All that medication was like one more reminder of a life that I'm trying to leave behind. I know it's not going to be easy, but life isn't. And I will just have to be very aware of my feelings and do what I can to keep the Migraines away!!! So far we have been doing pretty good. The weather isn't helping any. But other than that, I'm doing better than I expected.

I'm trying to keep my stress down. But isn't that when EVERYTHING happens!!! And I don't want to be like "can you please keep all that to yourself, I can't handle it right now". That's just not me. And people come to me and I want them to feel like they can. UGH! I will just have to figure out how to deal with it all! And believe me, I will figure it out. I've made it through what I've made it through so far, I can do this :)

Depressed Much

I believe that at some point in everyones life, they will experience some form of depression. It may not be life changing. It may not require medication or therapy. But, they will experience it. Everyone handles depression differently. Some people just need time to deal with whatever caused or is causing it. This can be a fine line for some. If the feelings aren't getting any better you don't always realize it because you are in a funk. And by then you can become resentful to friends and family who try to point it out and help because you will take it the wrong way. Other people go to therapy. Other people (like me) have always had problems letting people in and that includes professionals. And I definitely don't like talking about my feelings (it makes you look weaker). But i've been in and out of therapy since I was young. And when I was young I didn't open up, but I realized you have to keep going back. What's the answer? Tell them what they want to hear! Not all at once because they will figure it out. Yes, I am aware, this makes Therapy useless. But if I can't open up anyway...ummm hello? Genius! Some peeps need medication. The depression can be caused for so many reasons that I didn't even realized. If there ends up being a combination cause it's a alittle harder to fix. If you have a chemical imbalance or a brain mis-fire, you may need meds forever. It sucks but it's that or getting so low you wish you were dead. See, that's the thing with these meds. You need to listen to the doctor! You can't take yourself off them because YOU think you're doing better and you definitely can't just stop taking them. Sure, at first everything seems fine. You think, "see I'm good". Then 7 days into it you start to become emotionless, you just don't care. Not about anything, you especially. You are just blah. A few days later you start to get morbid thoughts and it's scary. And by the time you realize you have made a mistake it's too late. You need to re-start your meds immediately but get yourself through the next week while they get back into your system. And even though you know this is exactly what is gonna happen, at some point you will attempt to take yourself off your meds again and torture yourself again. If you're depressed, do yourself a favor and look up the symptoms and better yet, the side effects. I didn't realize all the things that are going on because of depression. I'm getting the triple whammy. I'm getting it from the migraines, medication & depression. Just know you aren't alone!

Things you won't see at our wedding...

Rainbow Brights Parents

Marilyn Manson's Son

Someone needs AA

Yea, I don't know

Deep  Deep West

Planning a Wedding is like planning for a stress test :)

The only difference is, is that at the end you get to change your name. But even that takes forever and you have to jump thru 10 million hoops to do it. Unless you are of course the man. Which once again, you get off easy. Who the hell knew, or remembers, how much planning goes into a wedding? No one. And how far in advance you need to start? You just don't think about it. You think, hey it's not for 6 months...well sweetheart, 6 months is really not that far away. Places may be booked. Things take time to order, or get printed. Damn, if you are someone who made lists before this, you are gonna start making lists for your lists. It's just insane.

Who's gonna wear what? Who are you gonna invite? Date? Place? Wedding party? Invites? Food? Favors? Theme? And then the 50 things that you didn't even think about until you start answering all these questions. Yeah, it's like playing whack a mole. And you slowly start wondering if you should just run away and get married. But then wait, people will be disappointed that they weren't a part of it. Well, then we can have just a reception. Yeah, that's a great idea. Let's do that. But wait, our mothers. Children getting married is important to their mothers if no one else. Well do you just go to the court house and just bring the mom's? WTF???

Just realize you aren't gonna make everyone happy. Do what you want to do and make you both happy. Make sure you do what you want and that's all that matters. But even then you are gonna questions your self. You are gonna have to cut corners because you are part of the poor club but you can still have a good time. It doesn't have to be a huge fancy wedding. You aren't fancy, romantic, center of attention people. So go with what's fun and your style. Pig over a fire if you want. Pony rides, slip and slide. Horse Shoes, Country Western dancing. Whatever you want. All that matters is that you will be together, forever. And that the people that you love and that love you will be there with you. 

Driving during the day is possible...Sunglasses OMG!

It's so dang frustrating. Everyday, the same thing. People are shocked that there is sun, in the sky. Say it ain't so! Yes people, we have to drive into the sun. I know, it sucks. But if you are going to drive during the day time hours please buy some sunglasses. Maybe, just maybe there won't be so much traffic. So many people jamming on their breaks. Slowing down because they can't see. I believe this is why the cars came with visors. It's absolutely ridiculous. Alaska gives residents $1,000.00 every year, Conneticut should give residents a pair of sunglasses!

Not to mention when it rains people act like the flood gates have opened and they don't remember that water does move when you drive. Oh no, what if I get stuck! It's water, your car won't melt. You have wind shield wipers so it won't t stay on your window, you can still see out. And if you can't drive in rain, hand over your license. You don't need to drive 5 miles per hour. Caution is good, but driving so you aren't getting passed by someone on a skateboard is safer. If it's raining in the summer, I'm pretty sure black ice isn't gonna be an issue. If it's sprinkling and you are nervous, pull over and slap yourself.

Oh and don't get me started on people who drive in snow! Or don't drive in snow I should say. It's snow. I understand driving very slow if it's a blizzard and you can't see. I don't understand people who live in CT and drive sports cars in the winter. I'm sorry, but you deserve to be stuck on the side of the road. Get 4 wheel drive or stay home. Don't get the rest of us stuck or hurt. And for those of us who live in the valley, they should give us credit towards buying SUV's. Living in the valley means we drive up AND down hills to work AND home from work. There is no, well I drove up hill to get here so at least it's all down hill going home. LOL. That would be nice. It's also means when all this crap melts, only the people with the SUV's are getting through most streets.

The moral of the rant is, you live in CT. The weather is the weather. The crappy drivers are the crappy drivers. The horrible streets haven't changed and the sun is always gonna be there. We have highways with names like the Mixmaster and pot holes that hide cars. So buy sunglasses, get 4 wheel drive and learn how to freaking drive or stay the hell out of my way!