Loser

Sometimes I just feel like I'm a loser. Like I have nothing to show for my life. I barely have any friends because I am very picky about who I get close to. I don't want to get hurt. I had a friend for 20 years. Now we haven't talked in almost 3 yrs! In that time she got married and had a kid. I can't even tell u now what happened to make us not talk, but even today she wont respond to me. After that many years of friendship you would think that u could atleast talk. And to this day, if something big happens, happy or sad, it makes me think of her. She was who I went to for everything and to not have her to share with makes me upset everytime. Then I get to the point where I try to convince myself that she is the one missing out. That she doesn't deserve to be my friend anymore. But then the next thing happens in life and I go through it all again. The second time I let someone that close we ended up being friends for 6 years. And again, she just changed and that was it. But I don't miss that relationship like I do Sara. And of course after this it makes me that much mote cautious when picking friends. And now I'm going through it again. So I'll more than likely start my shut down of friends. Why do it when u are always crushed in the end. But now that I'm getting married that's when it hits u. Your bridal party is smaller and u don't have that close best friend to rely on. And then u miss out on the fun stuff like a shower and bachelorrete party because u don't have someone close to throw it. Or surprise u. Just makes u realize what a giant loser u are.